Oscars 2013

The Oscars were last night and I joined some of my favorite lovely ladies to watch the show and dish about the celebrity fashions.  But before we get to the dresses...the show.  I dislike host Seth MacFarlane a lot and I have never liked any of his shows/movies.  So I had low expectations and my fears were all confirmed I thought.  I didn't think he was funny and I thought his manner of delivering jokes during his "monologue" wasn't very natural.  Or organic.  Or something.  And he kept saying very complimentary sincere things about people but it just came off as fake and stilted...like I was waiting for him to be snarky.  I didn't particularly like his bits during the opening.  I mean, if you're going to have Channing Tatum dance, don't make it be a waltz.

They had built up this big celebration of 50 years of James Bond but then all they had was Shirley Bassey sing "Goldfinger".  I heard they tried to get a reunion of every James Bond but a couple of them didn't want to participate.  There was a lot of singing but some of it I didn't mind.  I liked seeing Catherine Zeta-Jones sing "All that Jazz" and Jennifer Hudson sing her Dreamgirls song.  CZJ is pretty damn ballsy to dance around in a leotard and sing with gusto 10 years after she was in that movie.

And while I think JHud is an arrogant pain in the butt (from what I've heard), she sure sings the hell out of that song.  I personally didn't hate the Les Mis movie so I was excited to see the whole cast sing on stage.  Speaking of ballsy, Russell Crowe came out and sung his little heart out even though every critic said he was terrible and made fun of him.  It made me smile.

As for the awards, I was a little shocked that Ang Lee won best director and that the "Life of Pi" won so many technical awards but the rest was pretty predictable.  I actually sort of wanted Jessica Chastain to win but I knew she wouldn't.  I liked seeing "Argo" win because that was my favorite movie of the year.  And I knew Ben Affleck's speech would be emotional and he didn't disappoint.  While I think this will make his ego insufferable, I am happy for him.  Best speech was probably Daniel Day-Lewis who actually made a joke and was extremely charming as usual.  Anne Hathaway's speech was so damn disappointing.  She's known for 6 months that she's going to win an Oscar and she couldn't think of something more inspiring to say.  Even telling an anecdote or speaking about her mother would have been better.  Anything to get her to show a little real emotion.  Sigh.  It was not meant to be.  But who cares?!  What about the dresses?!!

Apparently sparkles and sequins were in along with non-colors.  I actually thought most everyone was extremely boring.  Like snoozeville.  The wise Stacey said that maybe these big stars don't think it's worth it to take a risk so they just throw on whatever white or pale pink dress is given to them and play it safe.  There was so much white and blush on the red carpet to varying degrees of success.

Charlize Theron looked like her usual beautiful self but the dress was so boring.  Like there's nothing to even talk about.  Not even big earrings or a necklace.  I was hoping that with her short punky hair she'd do something more interesting.

Octavia Spencer seems like a pretty kick-ass lady but I didn't love this cut on her and HATED the little growth bumps on the bodice of this dress.

Zoe Saldana wore this white number with a lot of embellishments on top but I just didn't get it.  It had a belt but then a giant bow or something to the side.  I don't know.  It seemed sort of bridal.  She changed into THIS at the after party though.

This is super fugly to me.  The bottom looks like a giant trash bag.  She should have stayed in the white.

Natalie Portman wore this super basic white number to the Vanity Fair party and it pretty much put me to sleep.

The ladies that wore sequins were a little more exciting but it was still hit or miss.  In the giant miss category...

Halle Berry.  I don't understand this lady.  (Which is good because she is supposedly crazy with a capital "C".)  But she's either dressed like a cheap 25 year old or, as she is here, pulled out of some 80s Dynasty theme party.  Just terrible.

Speaking of terrible...

Dear God Heidi Klum.  I feel like she has been getting progressively worse (aka more ridiculous) every year.  This is a low point.

Catherine Zeta-Jones sashayed in wearing this dress as if the night was hers.  She looks pretty as usual but it's a little va va voom considering she wasn't nominated or even really relevant any more.  (Too mean?)

Jennifer Hudson wore this blue sparkly number (and a straight wig) and it was fine.  I guess I applaud the fact that it's actually a color and the long sleeves are different.  My favorite Ryan Seacrest moment was when he took a little dig at her in their red carpet interview and she was too self-absorbed to even notice.  Awesome.

Also in the middling category...

It's pretty risky dress for Renee Zellweger who usually wears pretty conservative Carolina Herrera dresses.  I actually thought she looked pretty great below the neck.  (are those new boobs though?  don't remember those being there).  But her hair and makeup people seemed to think she was going to a casual lunch.  And the botox.  Yikes.

But some sequins I liked!

Ginnifer Goodwin is sporting some lame hair and has her perennial fake model face going, but I do like the bright blue dress.  The cut is sort of interesting and I love the color.

Jessica Chastain looked great and thank goodness.  She arrived early and at first I wasn't too into it.  But once I saw how boring everything else was, her dress grew on me.  I still am not wowed by the color choice but it fits her and her hair and makeup are beautiful and she looks like Jessica Rabbit.  It was a welcome choice considering how tragic she looked at a party the night before....

And then I have to throw one of my faves in...

I've always liked Minnie Driver and it's apparently been 15 years since she was there with "Good Will Hunting" and Ben and Matt won the screenplay Oscar.  (An Oscars which Stacey and I attended as Bleacher Creatures and we rocked it pretty hard).  But I think Minnie looks rad in this silver number.  I like the detailing up the side.

Naomi Watts also opted for silver sequins and she looks pretty cool.  At first I didn't dig the asymmetrical top but it's really grown on me and I like it.  She seems lovely.  She did change into this though for the after party and I like her first one better.

Looking pretty similar was her best bud...

For some reason I LOVE this on Nicole Kidman.  It was kind of rad and rockstar and fit her like a glove.  Her hair was soft and lovely and her earrings rocked.  And she just seems so happy with kooky Keith Urban.  Yay for them.

Another favorite was...

Looking at this picture, now I'm thinking Amy Adams' dress isn't that great but I swear it looked good on TV.  I sort of wish it was a color, but I thought the cut and the sort of low waist looked nice.  And her hair and makeup was lovely.  She changed into sparkles too for the post-party which was slinky and cool.

The old ladies turned up looking pretty nice.  Oddly I though Meryl Streep looked like she had aged 5 years since last year's win.

Just from the style/color of the hair though.  And the sort of old lady cut of the dress.

My gal Sally Field I thought looked delightful as usual.  But I've got a soft spot for my first Hollywood employer ever.  She's just so nice.

Truthfully I thought that Marcia Gay Harden killed it.  The sleeve embellishments might be a little much but that dress makes her body look awesome and her hair and makeup are stunning.  53 years old people.  

Here are some random ones that I didn't really like...

Kerry Washington is truly hit or miss.  Sometimes she knocks it out of the park with some cool edgy dress and sometimes it just falls flat.  I didn't really like this dress...thought the bottom was boring and the bow at the waist was bad.  But at least she's not wearing her heavy clip-on bangs.

Reese Witherspoon certainly doesn't look bad.  But it's just so boring.  Her dress also had a little bow at the top of the bodice which I thought was lame.  And there was just nothing interesting about it.  I guess the color is okay and her hair looks nice.  But maybe a necklace or something?

Salma Hayek is married to a fashion czar and she could have any dress in the world.  Yet she chose this black velvet number with a choker that looks like she can't breath.  With the massive hair...just no.

Poor Helen Hunt.  I mean, everyone's clamoring to dress Jennifer Lawrence and Anne Hathaway and probably not every designer is banging on Helen's door.  But I really feel like she could have done better than this wrinkled number from H&M.  I mean, yes, she's making a statement about wearing an accessible dress...but just make sure that dress fits well and photographs well.  

Jane Fonda.  That is bright.

Jennifer Aniston.  Wake me up when she actually does something different with her hair.

Helena Bonham Carter.  I like her kooky stuff but this looks like she just didn't have it in her.  Like it's not kooky enough or something.  Poor Helena is so bored with having to go to all these things.

Olivia Munn, why are you at the Oscars?  I almost like the bodice of your dress but then the bottom had to go and ruin it.  And if the bottom didn't ruin my opinion of you, this Vanity Fair party dress sure did.  

Blech.

Hilary Swank has won twice but apparently didn't merit an invitation to the actual awards.  That's okay because this dress was not missed on the red carpet.  Blah.

Miranda Kerr is a model and yet this is one of the worst dresses I saw.  Terrible.

Speaking of worst dresses...

I love this picture of Zooey Deschanel.  It's like she's thinking "why in the hell did I abandon my adorkable princess dress and 60's bangs updo for this?".  And she's right.  I've criticized her for wearing the same thing over and over again and then she wears this and BAM.  It's Horrible.  Like beyond horrible.

Possibly the most horrible of the night though....

I knew when they announced Kristen Stewart as a presenter that we'd be in for a real treat and she did not disappoint.  She hobbled on stage (apparently after arriving on crutches from a stepping on glass accident?), had a giant bruise on her arm, looked like she hadn't washed her hair in days, and couldn't deliver her three lines without eye rolls and grimaces.  But I had hope that she might (MIGHT) wear something kind of edgy and cool as she's known to do.  WRONG.  She looks like she's molting.

There were three young actresses I was really looking forward to seeing on the red carpet and I really wasn't wowed by any of them.  I mean, two were MAJOR disappointments and one was a "that's nice."

Jennifer Lawrence looked beautiful.  There's no doubt about that.  But she's 22 with an awesome face and body so why shouldn't she?  But I so wanted her to wear a color and she didn't.  And she went with a total princess cut which I thought didn't really suite her personality.  But yes pretty.  The dress did lead to a comical fall upon climbing up the steps on stage so I guess I should be grateful for that.  But this Independent Spirit Awards dress from the night before seems more appropriate for her - 

I will say that she changed for the Vanity Fair party and she looks pretty good.  And happy.  She seems like a funny chick.  Hope she's not as much of a pain in the butt as people say she is.

But what in the hell happened to Amanda Seyfried?

She was one of my favorites at the SAG Awards and this is a hot mess.  Bad Bride of Frankenstein hair and I hate the washed-out color and high choker collar.  Yuck.  She changed into this for the after party... It's better but still not good.

But the biggest miss of the night had to be...

Please tell me what is going on with this Anne Hathaway dress.  THIS is what she chose out of the hundreds she was presented with.  Apparently she was going to wear a Valentino gown up until about three hours before the ceremony.  Why did she change?!  I hate everything about this.  The color.  The wrinkled cheap satin.  The darts on the boobs that look like nipples.  The flat hair that needs more product.  My goodness.  Terrible.  And then she changed into THIS for the after parties:

I'm beginning to think those pregnancy rumors are true because why in god's name would you wear this satin sack on your big night?  Oh Anne.  Bad dresses, bad hair, and a bad speech.

And now the rest.  Here are all the people that just made me smile...weird, quirky, different, charming.

I may have hated Leslie Mann's movie "This is 40" but I usually find her wardrobe choices refreshing.  This is no different.  Cool color, different style...way to go Leslie.

Goddamn look at that cute couple.  Hugh Jackman and his wife Deborah Lee Furness are adorable.  I don't know if he likes to sleep with men or not, but I do know he loves his wife.  And she seems like a kick ass lady.  She wore a tux with a crazy necklace and a (probably fake) ponytail.  How could you not love her?

I thought Jennifer Garner looked great.  I love the color (a lot), I like necklace and I like the soft hair.  The back was a little crazy when she turned around but that's okay because it looks cool from the front and that's all that matters.  These two crazy kids have been through a lot (allegedly) and I think he always acknowledges that in his speeches.  Like last night when he said their relationship was "work".  Damn right it's work and I'm sure they've had to work through a lot.  But they seem happy now and I'm happy for them.

Did you see Adele's acceptance speech?  Come on.  Adorable.

I'm including Britney Spears because she usually looks like she rolled out of the trailer park but her new brunette hair looks healthy and she is standing up straight and her dress is pretty classy.  Bravo Brit.  Don't fall apart on us now.

I don't particularly like Elizabeth Banks' hair but I am a serious sucker for an orange dress.  

Lana Parilla here is on one of my guilty pleasures "Once Upon a Time" and I am really smiling because of this over-the-top sexy vixen look she is giving the camera.  But, honestly, I am sort of enjoying this dress.  It's totally different and therefore refreshing.

Even though this is ugly, I find Solange to be pretty awesome.  Especially now that I'm in love with some of her songs.  You go girl.  

I am including Selena Gomez only because thank god she dumped that ridiculous Bieber character and because I think she looks pretty here.  I kind of like her dress.

Nina Dobrev is always impeccably dressed and fashion forward and I think this dress is amazing.  

You guys, she did it.  E!'s Giuliana Rancic finally looks decent.  I mean, it's been a LONG time coming.  But I actually think this is the prettiest I've ever seen her.  That hair really softens her up (don't ever change it) and she's not almost black with self-tanner.  The dress isn't amazing but at least it's not a train wreck like usual.  Most improved!!

My favorite dress of the night was probably...

Sandra Bullock is not going to change the world in this dress but it's pretty and becoming on her.  Who doesn't want to root for Sandra Bullock.

And, finally....

You guys, I think I'm falling in love with Miley Cyrus.  What is happening?  

**Bonus - favorite pic I found while scouring the web...