Monday, February 27, 2012

Oscars 2012

As usual, this post is going to be incredibly long because there are so many pictures of so many dresses. Including all of these crazy ones from the post-parties. I'll try to be brief.

Before we get to the fashion, a few notes about the show. I was excited that Billy Crystal was returning but all of his jokes seemed a little dated and flat. But he did a serviceable job. Truthfully, I think nowadays the critics and online bloggers would crucify any host because it's a thankless job. But it was fairly boring and predictable. I knew Octavia Spencer would win but I was mad they gave her like 10 seconds to make a speech when she could have been really moving but instead I just saw her get flustered because a giant sign was flashing "5 seconds". I was hoping Brad Pitt would win but I knew the Frenchman would win and he was charming as hell. Especially on the ABC pre-show when he said he loved America because of the cinnamon rolls. I have a feeling he's hit up the Cinnabon at LAX. When they called Meryl Streep's name I was immediately so sad for Viola Davis. I think she really wanted it and she deserved it. But then Meryl got up there and was charming as hell, as usual. How lovely is she? Okay, on to the dresses.

Good color, bad cut - Viola Davis
Like I said, I love this woman. She is smart and I LOVE that she ditched the weave and wig to go all natural. Totally ballsy. And I think the color is awesome. But I just really don't like the dress. The bust is not good and the bottom of the skirt is awkward. Too bad.

Shiny, wet, metallic is a thing now, huh? - Ellie Kemper, Rose Byrne, Anna Faris, Melissa Leo, and Judy Greer

I guess you have to have quite a body to wear tight shiny metallics and some of these work. I think Judy Greer's is the best. Kemper's copper color is kind of cool but her bangs are so long that they're distracting. And Melissa

It's 1988 and "Dynasty" is #1 - Jennifer Lopez
I don't understand this. I don't understand her. She is one of the most beautiful women in the world and could wear anything. And she chooses this ugly 80s gown. Or at least that's what I thought of it. My husband thought it "wasn't bad" and that's when I knew I was watching the red carpet with the wrong person.
I actually like her after-party dress slightly better, though it's the same designer.

Best I've ever seen her look - Tina Fey
Apparently this was custom Carolina Herrera. Tina should wear her every time.

Too pale, Dislike. - Melissa McCarthy and Berenice Bejo

Respect your elders - Glenn Close, Jane Seymour, and Meryl Streep

These ladies are 65, 61, and 62, respectively. They look pretty awesome. I actually really dug Glenn's outfit when I first saw it on TV. Good job ladies.

The Sisters Grimm - Rooney and Kate Mara

I find Rooney Mara pretty insufferable. What a wet blanket in every interview. And her dresses throughout the past year have been such a snooze. Always white or black and always ugly. And I don't know why she insists on keeping that severe haircut. So yes, I did not like her dress. I actually kind of like her sister Kate's dress but I suppose it doesn't really matter when barely anyone knows your name.

Finally! - Jessica Chastain
Well, Jessica FINALLY wore something that didn't suck. Though, truthfully, I really didn't love this dress when I first saw it. I just thought that the pattern made her hips look huge. But her hair and makeup looked beautiful. And I can't even describe how adorable she was in interviews on the red carpet. She brought her grandma and seemed so delighted when Seacrest talked to her Nana. And seemed legitimately flustered when Billy Bush told her she was the most beautiful woman on the red carpet. So cute.

Keeping it real - Shailene Woodley
I have to say...I may not love this dress but it really does seem like her. Good for her for not letting a stylist take her over and dress her in some monstrosity that Lea Michele would wear. This may not be awesome but I give her props for wearing something she was comfortable in.

Please stop with the neutrals - Kristen Wiig and Cameron Diaz

I don't hate Kristen's dress but it would have been so much better in COLOR. And Cameron...I just don't like this color on her. Or the dress. Or the hair. Or the makeup. So I guess that's a no.

Surprisingly good - Stacy Keibler
Girlfriend Barbie has trotted out a lot of bad looks over the past few months but I thought she looked pretty good here. Pretty color on her and even though I don't usually like giant hip flowers, she made it work. Probably because she's a tall skinny blonde.

I like her but don't like the outfit - Sandra Bullock
Marchesa is such a crappy designer. This is just not good. Though I will say it looks comfortable and like she doesn't have to wear a few pairs of Spanx with it. But what is poor Sandy doing to her face? So sad.

I don't like her but like the outfit - Natalie Portman
I do not like Natalie Portman and I think it's embarrassing she has an Oscar. That being said, her vintage red gown is very nice and pretty.

Yay! Flattering AND Pretty! - Octavia Spencer
Man, she looks like a million bucks. Good for her.

Twee-fatigue - Michelle Williams
Okay, looking at these pictures again, I guess Michelle Williams looks pretty good. I could do without the tutu skirt (I guess it's called a peplum?) But I just am a little over the delicate shrinking violet shy girl thing. I mean, she's even changed her voice tone since good ol' "Dawson's Creek". And I think it's cute she takes Busy Phillips as her date everywhere...but at some point doesn't her mom say "what the hell do I have to do to get an invite?"

Preeetttyyy... :) - Missi Pyle, Penelope Cruz, and Danica McKellar?!

I think these are all pretty. And I came across this random picture of Danica McKellar (of Wonder Years fame) and was shocked. I love that dress! Her hair is kind of a hot mess but she looks good.

Goop wears a cape - Gwyneth Paltrow
Because of course she wears a cape. And sort of pulls it off. Damn her.

Ugly, Uglier, and Heinous - Zoe Saldana, January Jones, and Gwen Stefani

Wow. I mean, just terrible.

A print I like - Kate Beckinsale
I know I may be crazy...but I kind of like it.

A print I hate - Lily Collins

Va-va-voom - Sofia Vergara

Is it wrong that I like this? - Kelly Osbourne

The dress I'd choose to wear - Salma Hayek
I love this dress. For real. I would love to wear it. It looks comfortable but beautiful. Not surprising that Salma looks good. I mean, how could she not?

I know, I know...but she's so likeable! - Emma Stone
Okay, so it seems that everyone hated Emma's red dress. But I didn't. I know it has a giant red bow. But I'm partial to red dresses and she seemed in on the fact that yes, indeed, she did have a giant bow on her neck. She said so in the ABC pre-show and she said it with a giant wink and a smile. But, hands down, the best part of the show was her presenting the VFX award with Ben Stiller. She was funny, she was charming, she was likeable. I've met her and she is all those things in person. So yes, I liked it. And her after-party dress was kind of crazy but but it was edgy and I liked that one too.

And, finally,

I'M CONFUSED - Angelina Jolie

Okay, so let's talk about Angelina. Here's the good... for once she smiled a lot on the red carpet and looked happy. And I forget what an awesome smile she has because she rarely flashes it. Her hair was lighter and full and lovely. Her make-up was well done. Her dress, while her normal boring black, was velvet, had a nice little waist, and was voluminous.

But then there was her leg. And while I'm doing this post 24 hours later so this has already been discussed to death, I don't understand. Angelina always seems to be in control, be smart, be above it all. She knows everyone calls her sexy but she makes a point to wear somewhat boring outfits and keep busy traveling the world saving children and stuff. I saw her on the red carpet and I was perplexed by the leg. It's so awkwardly out there. Like that must have felt so ridiculous. But, I guess some people feel the need to show off the slit of the dress so fine. Whatever. But then she marches on stage to present and strikes the same wide-legged pose. On TV. In front of 200 million people. The most awkward stance of all time. Which just doesn't make sense. She doesn't need to pose. Or try to be sexy. She is. So at first I actually thought she was in on the joke. Right? I mean, she's smart, she's been to enough of these things, what was she doing? Then I began to second guess myself. And then one of the winners for Best Adapted Screenplay (go Dean Pelton!) got up there, took the statue from her, and struck the same pose as her on stage. Three feet from her. Making fun of Saint Angelina to her face. And it was funny. And then suddenly I felt a little bad for her. Was she being serious and trying to look good and now she was the butt of a joke? Dammit! How did she get me to feel bad for her? Her?! One of the most beautiful, successful women in the world?! So, here I sit, 24 hours later, and I'm still confused. I don't get it. Why did she suddenly decide to try (too hard) at this one particular event?


  1. I agree with most of what you said! Angie looked really lovely, her hair, her smile, she really shouldn't have done the leg thing though. Dannika's dress, love it. Gwen's dress, hate it!
    Can't stand Gwyneth no matter what she's wearing, Natalie's hair was all wrong but yes, a very pretty dress. Viola, love the colour, dislike the style. I don't like the metallics at all, I don't like Kate's dress either (sorry!) but I did like Emma's, Salma's and Sophia (that woman could do no wrong!!) and what is with Kelly's grey hair? Don't we colour our hair because we try to hide some grey? You and I should grace the Red Carpet and show them how it's done lol

  2. thank you so much for making my morning with this post! it makes me so happy on the one hand, but so wistful that we weren't together for the red carpet.

    in your order:

    viola. hair, awesome. her, awesome. but don't squish your boobs together at the oscars. i'd prefer never, but definitely not at the oscars.

    judy greer i loved, and since i love her, that one made me happy. unique and memorable, good job. but rose byrne, wtf? she looks like anorexic posh in a bad dress. i honestly didn't recognize her at first.

    jlo, hated it. one of my worst of the night. going into the red carpet, i was thinking how i wanted jlo to wear something bad so that i could love-to-hate on her, but now, i realize i was wrong. you're right, she's gorgeous. i'd like to see her look it.

    tina. happy she looks pretty - nice use of the jlo hair - but i can't get into the dress. when i think about it, it's kind of hard. what would i like to see her in, kwim?

    melissa mccarthy, you don't need to wear a tent, disappointing. berenice, what?! terrible. my worst of the night. i'm bummed about this one.

    the 60somethings. please let me look half this good in three decades. at first i was like, what's with glenn's blazer, take it off, but i don't know, it kind of makes the outfit.

    rooney mara, UGGGGGGH, what a pouty bore. you're not above it if you're THERE. if you're above it, stay home like woody allen. and why are both sisters so slouchy? it's so affected, i hate it.

    chastain - this! she was adorable, good show. the dress, eh. there are so many better things she could have worn, but clearly an improvement.

    shailene. you're right, she's only 20 and this feels true to self. i think it's ugly, but i appreciate the sentiment. juliette lewis was 19 when she wore the cornrows, and i freaking love that in retrospect.

    the neutrals. i do like both dress styles, but yeah, they'd be better in color.

    stacy keibler, omg i HATE it. another marchesa, and as violet would say, "no no no."

    sandy. i did love the swoopy back of this, and i don't hate it as much as most, especially most marchesas. but doesn't the botox or facelift or whatever just make you want to cry??

    natalie, 100% agree.

    octavia, 100% agree.

    michelle, agree, the peplum i hate, but the rest i like. well, she should smile with teeth obviously. i love her, and sure, i don't love the "i'm a mother first" contrivance, although i don't think the sentiment is disingenuous. i don't love that she's putting on an act, but i do think she's more justified than maybe everyone else in doing so. man, i can't even imagine being in her position.

    awesome find on that danica pic! missi and penelope, i didn't love these. maybe i just don't dig the colors.

    gp, damn her indeed. i can't believe i'm going to type this, but that cape looks rad. hate her so much.

    also agree all the way to kelly osbourne, when my visceral response was oh my god so ugly.

    and also i hadn't seen salma until now! wow, just gorgeous. my jealous bones are twinging.

    i liked emma's dresses too! a lot! i'm happy to hear she's as likeable as she seems.

    and last but obviously not least, i don't even know what to say about angelina's leg! i'm laughing at myself as i type this, but that crazy pose - on the red carpet and then ON THE STAGE - is one of the most truly baffling things i've ever seen! just when you think you know a person... ;)

  3. Lisa, I think your fashion picks are dead on (and thank you for saying that peplums aren’t all that because they aren’t and I'm tired of all the love they're getting)! The only really awesome look I think you missed was Milla Jovovich who looked fierce in white Elie Saab (unlike Berenice who looked like grandma in mint Elie Saab). I’m also SO happy someone else liked Emma. Everyone keeps dissing her dress and saying it’s a copycat of the Kidman Balenciaga but I like Emma's WAY better. For starters the color isn’t a harsh yellow/orange red that clashes with her light skin but a softer blue/purple red. Also, it has the surprise opening in the top that I didn’t even notice until she ran around stage like an adorable crazy person...loved it! I just want to be best friends with her, Jessica Chastain, Octavia, and yeah...pretty much the entire cast of "The Help."

    1. Lynn, I though Milla looked good but I sort of don't care about her. And not sure how she got the tech awards hosting gig. Oh well. And if you get to be friends with the cast of "The Help", please invite me to grab a drink with y'all. :)