Out of Order

Sadly, there will be no post today because the little guy had me up from 3am to 6am crying his head off. After I got him up and calmed down, we walked to Vons where he proceeded to cry as I bought all the groceries. The nice check-out lady bent over his stroller and cooed "What's wrong sweetie? Did mommy get you up too early?" I almost punched her but thought better of it. Then I got a venti iced coffee to make me feel better. The end.

How Google went from my worst enemy to my best friend

When I was pregnant, google was not my friend. I searched every symptom, every possibility, every test result. And guess what happens when you search millions and millions of websites? You're bound to get some negative results. Some sad, sad stories about pregnancies and newborns that were tragic and heartbreaking. When I came across one of these sites, it would depress and upset me for days. So about half way through my pregnancy, John forbid me from googling all that stuff. So a lot of baby sites were off limits but I could still read Go Fug Yourself...because apparently celebrity fashion tragedies weren't as depressing.

But now six months after giving birth, google is my friend. Now, in an odd way, it always makes me feel better, rather than worse. Why? Because of the auto-complete or suggestion feature. When I start typing something in google, it suggests what it thinks I'm looking for. Without exception, every time I've googled something that's worrying me about Jack, there it is on the suggestions. And if it's a suggestion, then I must not be crazy. There must be other people going through the same thing. Jack's poop can't possibly smell like popcorn...or maybe it can! There it is on the google suggestion list! (I don't know about that vinegar suggestion....) Jack hit 4 months and his sleep habits went down the drain. "4 month sleep regression" is a number 1 hit on google suggestions. You name it and google can lead me to a group of people going through the same thing. Jack has cradle cap, he's waking up up every hour, his poop is bright grass green, he's losing weight, he's got a mysterious rash... it's all on there. And it's all so so damn reassuring.

Note to my future self - don't depress new moms

When Jack and I are out and about, a lot of people come up to us. Yes, Jack's cute but it's also because he's a baby and, guess what? People like babies. Could you resist that face above? Anyways, yesterday for some reason, three different woman at three different stores approached us and depressed me with the same story.

It started off in the grocery store where the woman in front of me in line was talking to Jack and being very nice.

"I just dropped my baby off for his first day of high school."

"Oh, that's nice."

"I cried my eyes out. It was so sad. They grow up so fast. Cherish every moment."

"Oh. Okay. I will. Cherish every moment."

I mean, what do you say? I know what she's saying is the truth but I've heard it so often that I'm starting to get depressed about something that is at least 13 years away. And then we went to Costco....

"What an adorable baby."

"Thanks. I think he's pretty cute."

"My 'baby' is 47 years old and it went by so fast. I miss that cute cuddly baby I used to have. Now I barely see him."

"Oh. Well.... I'm sorry."

See a pattern? After that we headed to Michael's craft store. (I know...My day is just overwhelmingly exciting and you're very jealous.)

"Your son is so so cute. And what a smile!"

"Yes, he loves his Baby Bjorn."

"My kids are in high school now and it went by so fast. Now they want nothing to do with me. It literally breaks my heart."

"Oh. Well...."

That one I didn't have a response for. I mean, what do you say besides "that totally sucks?" I left feeling sad that the baby smiling up at me would one day tell me that I'm an idiot and that he doesn't want to be seen with me. But I guess that's just another phase of growing up. Hopefully it'll be a short phase and he'll go back to being nice right after his high school graduation. But I really hope that in 15 years I'm not depressing some nice new mom in the Vons check out line. I'll just say "cute baby" and leave it at that.

Singing in the rain...

...and in the grocery store, and on walks, and in the airport, and on the plane, and in the Nordstrom dressing room.

Here's my typical audience of one judging my singing voice.

Before Jack was born, I never ever sang in public. Probably had something to do with me having a terrible voice. No, really. I'm not just saying that. It's bad. Awful. And I know that and accept it. It's not one of my strengths. But now that I have the little guy and I know the one sure method of soothing him is singing to him, I burst out in song all the time. Usually I don't even realize that I'm singing loudly to my son and that anyone can hear. We go on walks in the neighborhood and he starts to fuss so I have to sing. And sing the silliest camp songs ever. It's amazing how I don't care anymore. Don't get me wrong though, I won't be posting video of myself singing anytime soon.

At the car wash, baby

So last weekend we were all running errands and the smart husband thought it would be a good idea to drive through the gas station car wash. We were already getting gas, the car was dirty... you see how he thought it was a good idea. I naively thought that Jack would think it was super cool because, hey, I still think it's fun to sit in the car as the machines spray water, foam, and brushes clean the entire exterior. Turns out that my threshold for that kind of excitement might be different than that of a 5 month old. The minute we drove in, stopped the car, and the machine started, the little guy freaked out. It was somewhat dark, the foam covered up all the windows so he couldn't see out, and the brushes were hitting the car and making loud sounds. I suppose when I look at it from his point of view, it was pretty scary. Of course, there was nothing to do and nowhere to go so I just tried to soothe him to no avail. But he survived and the car was better for it.

A sure-fire remedy for a down day

Well, the easy two word answer would be "that guy". That kid in the picture above. But there's more to it.

Last week Jack was having a rough week which made me in turn have a rough week. Zero sleep, lots of his fussiness, being around some super easy babies, and my phone dying, then replacing it, then having me drop it and shatter its screen. Not a banner week. Right about the time I shattered the glass screen, I was grumpy and decidedly not as enthused by all the strangers telling me how cute my kid was. Yeah, he's cute, but he's not a walk in the park. Okay, I'll admit it, I was in a bad mood. For a few days. (Shocking, I know.)

One afternoon I loaded the little guy into the car and headed to the store where they could fix my phone screen. I wasn't too excited to be pouring another couple hundred dollars into this phone. But off I went and Jack and I had to kill 25 minutes while they fixed it. Strapped in the Bjorn, we headed to the nearest shelter from the 92 degree heat which happened to be a Children's Place store. I walked in and saw a display of baby glasses on sale for $2.99. That's about what I was willing to spend on something I assumed would be mostly a novelty item. I grabbed the coolest pair (evidence above) and got in line. There was only one other woman in line, at the cashier, and she seemed to be returning about 50 items and purchasing another 10. Now, I've never worked retail but I imagine it can be hell dealing with certain customers. Namely, women like this woman. She was pretty short and rude with the cashier who clearly didn't deserve it. The transaction took a long time but I didn't have anywhere to go so I didn't care. The customer cared though because she took her bag at the end and walked off in a huff. The poor cashier woman looked utterly dejected. I cautiously approached the counter with a smile and said "I'm only getting these sunglasses, it'll be easy." At that moment, Jack turned on the charm and unleashed the biggest smile at her. Her entire face and lit up and said "That's just what I needed" and proceeded to ooh and ahh all over him. She told me that he made her feel much better and at that moment I felt guilty about having been grumpy about his fussiness all week. Sure, he can be difficult but that smile makes it all worth it.

As I paid, she insisted on taking the tags off and putting the sunglasses on Jack because "she just had to see how cute he was going to look." Well, she wasn't disappointed.

First but not the last

Jack was practicing sitting up on the couch last night and he looked so cute. zthen we heard the telltale poop sound. No big deal. But then I say something pooling on the couch cushion next to him. Yes, he sprung a leak with some very runny poop. Good thing I had this miracle product called "Kid and Pet Stain Remover". "Guaranteed to remove all urine and feces stains." Indeed.

Avoiding jail time.

This morning, by some miracle, Jack fell asleep in the car after a shopping expedition. It was awesome. The silence in the car was such a sweet sound. I decided I would celebrate by treating myself to a frozen yogurt. I pulled up to Menchie's and parked in the spot directly in front of the glass storefront. I'd say the car was about 10 feet from the front door. And there was my little cutie pie sleeping soundly in the back seat. It was 60 degrees and grey. I mean, come on, I just wanted to run in and get a yogurt. It would only take 3 minutes tops and I could see the car. All this went through my mind, along with the recent news story of a dad being arrested while leaving his baby in a hot car. So, rational thinking prevailed and I unhooked the car seat and lugged the damn heavy thing in the shop while I tried to dispense yogurt with one hand while holding a car seat in the other. The seat bounced and jiggled around the whole time.

The kid never opened his eyes once.

And for those horrified, No, I never actually considered leaving my 3 month old in the car. But, man, that would make things so much easier. :)

The good thing about being pregnant...

(Well, one of many good things...)

Your giant pregnant belly makes your butt and thighs look smaller. This leftover stomach pooch thing? Not so much.

Children's Books

Here's Jack with his current favorite book. Probably because it's just very basic black and white pictures of animals. High-contrast images and cute illustrations. The only writing on each page is "Hello, [insert animal name here]!" Makes it hard to really give it my all when I'm reading it to him, but I try to embellish a little. The thing I noticed today was the cover. And for some reason it struck me as hysterical. It says the book is "by" Smriti Prasadam and "illustrated by" Emily Bolam. Seeing as how the book is all pictures with only "hello leopard" and "hello dog" written over the illustrations, I'm thinking Smriti had a pretty easy time with this one.

No more white onesies

I suppose it was inevitable. Newborns generally all look alike, right? Especially when they're in white?

Nice lady customer in Starbucks: "Aww, what a cute baby. So adorable. What's her name?"

Me: "Jack".